When A Young Man Remains Unaffirmed

There is a problem particular to men these days where they prefer the path of least resistance, avoid any foundational change, and try to carry on in life nursing their age old addictions. The situation is made worse when a man chooses a woman who is corrupt and will normalize the man’s lack of spirit and effort. Both of these experiences stem from the pain of parental rejection.

A man who was rejected by his father will develop what is commonly referred to as “laziness” and while on some level a man of little to no effort does indeed own the lack of virtue in his behavior, he may also be blind to the extent of his desolate condition. Attempts at improving through learning may have been met with scorn or annoyance and so he learned to just not try. Fathers who are addicted to work will have a hard time switching focus to their children. Fathers who have low self-esteem will transmit to their sons, “I was attacked for making the attempt and so will you be.”

A real problem ensues when the young man, who has not been affirmed in his masculinity by his father, had a mother who comforted the son in his feelings of rejection instead of confronting her husband for his callousness and cruelty. This sets the template for the young man to find a woman who will “kiss his booboos”. The young man, in his feelings of powerlessness, will cede major decision making to his sympathetic wife. This will corrupt her over time as he is training her to manage him. Deep down she will grow to resent him for his lack of leadership. The young man will continue the cycle of being a distracted, disengaged hobbyist who turns away his sons to the cold embrace of a perpetually unsatisfied mother.

It is important that young men seek out paternal figures to idealize and then eventually humanize. They will start out feeling their heroes can rescue them and, if left undisturbed or undistracted by the snares of a mammying female influence, will grow into a balanced and confident experience of more accomplished men. Otherwise, the deficits of childhood will continue. These are pains that no woman can heal. Kudos to a woman for trying but sometimes she’ll need to take a step back and let other men restore and rebuild her man.