People, at their most inattentive, are caught up in to-do’s, shoulds, and narratives about their lives that may or may not have anything to do with the social feedback around them. If a person wants to get things done, so be it.
If a person wants to be intimately involved in the people around them, they have to set aside the whirring motor of their thoughts and tune in. What did the other person say? What is the narrative for them here? How are they seeking the truth for themselves? What is their emotional state? How will this thing they’ve said develop for them over time? These curiosities and more inform us of the inner lives of others. We slow down and truly absorb what’s going on.
Another issue people have with talking past each other is that they do not address the meaning of the words that are spoken. They address somebody else, somebody from their history or somebody they’ve seen on the digital screen. They do not, in a dictionary sense, parse out the words that are being said to them and respond to those words with sensical language. People “fling” meaning at each other and scurry about. This is a low way to live. It is the way we are taught to live, by glib media and the moneymasters who want us all dead.
We need to know, truly know, the words another person has spoken. People mean what they say! When we have understood the meaning of the words, we then respond in a way that furthers contact. We establish intimacy by going into a dialogue. If you’re just scattershot in your words, where will anything go for you? How will your human needs be met? No, we want to go into the conversation, like a meditation.
Granted, for most people, this level of attention is far too much. People are not accustomed to being closely paid attention to. People are no longer living in a typographic era where everyone reads long books with long dialogues and deeper meanings. Everyone is in a commercialized, frenzied death trap sprung by the world rulers.
It is a stressful time.
Yet, we want to savor the sweetness of life. We want to dig into what it means to be human. Therefore, we slow conversations down and we step into the intimacy. Find people who are interested in this and keep them nearby.
Like musicians playing in concern and harmony with lots of practice, so can personal relationships attain a lovely register. First, it takes concentration and an accurate interface with language.