You may be at a point in life where you have tremendous uncertainty about what comes next, replete difficulties believing in yourself.
You could be experiencing a gnawing voice, telling you that:
-you’re not good enough to face the uncertainty
-there will be no support for you
-it’s already too late for you to improve and find fulfillment
-everyone is judging you and counting you out
What is most often the case is that your parents put a kind of failure-programming into you.
What is common from fathers is that they look at the lack of strength in their sons as something other than a biological fact. They misattribute things. They think that because the son is nascent and learning, with all the mistakes that brings, that somehow the son is defective in his character. Then they begin to look upon their son with dissatisfaction and displeasure. The son internalizes this as a gnawing voice of disapproval, which he then hears echoing in his mind when faced with stressful circumstances later in life.
What is common from mothers, often toward their daughters, is an intolerance for mistakes – particularly in the social setting. A woman’s success has historically relied upon her ability to stay integrated in a stable community. This has afforded her the highest chance at procreative completion. Women are really not meant to stray from the herd and have more a conforming streak, as a natural fact of biology. Therefore, when a daughter is not able to grasp or has difficulties of some kind in adhering to social norms – a mother can be quick to express a disapproval. This is as opposed to a simple conversation about the purpose of social norms and why they serve the self, family, and community.
Parental disapproval and discouragement all too often are simply blended together. There is no appeal to a standard and a conversation on the why of standards. In this way, children find themselves stumbling around in the dark, bumping into the seemingly (and often) arbitrary preferences of their parents.
They are in a minefield of disapproval.
Doesn’t this sound a lot like doubting your future?
If so, it is worth reflecting upon the lack of coherence your parents maintained in initiating you to the broader social field.
Perhaps your doubt originates in their neglect or their angry disapproval?
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