“Meeting the father” is one of the early rites of passage for young couples. This is a feeling-out process for all parties: the parents of the young woman, the young woman herself, and the young man. There are some mistakes young men make here that can end up costing them. Let’s review.
The first mistake a man makes is that he does not judge the woman’s parents based on their moral worth. Moral relativism is the setting aside of ethics in favor of aesthetics. People are no longer judged by their character and reputations but instead by whatever silly, flippant things a person has in their heads. Usually most people are on the lookout for “agreeableness” by a liberal progressive standard, as this is the prevailing default in the education system. You should be like the harmless Jim character from NBC’s The Office. A woman’s parents just need to not be raging drug addicts with hardcore porn addictions for the average man to bleat like a sheep, “Those parents did the best they could. I like them. We watch sports together.”
The moral worth of a woman’s parents will inform a young man to what extent they succeeded or failed in imparting to her good values. Issues always pop up after the six month honeymoon phase. These issues are not grand mysteries. They’re the leftover problems from whatever deficits the young woman faced as a child under her parents. Therefore, it is incumbent upon a young man to view her parents through a moral lens. Follow the money. Did they earn their money in an ethical fashion or were they lifelong dependents on the government? Did they spend money on having a large family or were they indulgent boat and car collectors? The considerations abound. Ideally, a young man does not need parenting from his in-laws. He’s not looking to idealize these people or to force himself into a subservient, abandonment pattern to them so he can relive the failings they put their daughter through. He is simply observing and noting.
Another mistake that young men make with the woman’s parents is that he cedes ground out of deference. Are these people deference-worthy? Some young people are so eager to stumble over themselves to make a show of “traditional values” that they do not consider whether or not these parents are worthy participants. Lots of young men subordinate themselves to men with no reputation, no community standing, and no moral courage. This is a sign of low self-worth. And in this case, what is this big show of subservience all about? Is it truly about traditional values or is it about assuaging guilt of some kind, perhaps over pre-marital sexual relations? It’s not worth self-erasing and pulling in a third party, the woman’s parents, simply because a young man cannot face up to the responsibility of chastity.
The last mistake worth mentioning today that a young man makes in meeting the parents is falling for the tricks of an intimidating father. Fathers who actively intimidate prospective suitors have failed to teach their daughters the value of being ruthlessly scrupulous when it comes to moral matters. The intimidation technique is a compensation for a lack of intimacy with the daughter. The young man takes the bait, usually because his head is full of Hollywood liberal garbage, and allows the woman’s father to then run the relationship. You do not need permission from the man to marry the daughter. You would LIKE his consent, his counsel, and his approval but these things are not ultimately necessary, especially the lower of a moral condition the woman’s father is in. In this case, you are plucking the young woman from the jaws of moral peril and intergenerational failure. The more upstanding the woman’s father, the better the woman will choose and the less necessary these shows of force become. There is no honor in intimidating young men. This is anti-fraternal propaganda promoted by largely anti-Christian entities.
Go to the in-laws as an adult, not as a child. All the best to you in joining the gene pool!
