The world is too full of interesting people and it’s time for us to lower social consciousness so that boring people become the norm. Here’s a list of ways to become more boring:
-Spend all of your free time reacting to other people on social media.
-That voice that pops in your head to talk to you when you’re alone in bed at night? Ignore it!
-Never take any social chances ever. It’s far too scary. People are so mean and judgmental.
-Take up a hobby of absolutely no moral consequence to the world. It worked for the Boomers!
-Do the bare minimum at your job. You’ll be able to buy a house in middle age, maybe!
-Figure out what Hollywood thinks is cool and conform yourself thusly.
-Play lots and lots of video games. Pressing those buttons takes a lot of imagination.
-Be constantly on the Internet. Don’t want to miss a single thing!
-Worry yourself with all the ways you’re going to fail if you try anything at all.
-Cling closely to your mother, especially if you’re an adult male.
-Color your hair, dress like a lunatic, and get piercings. You’re “born to be wild”!
-Get a liberal arts degree that will be automated of existence or cut from the budget.
-If ever in doubt, ask yourself, “Would a big city journalist approve of this?”
-Spend money on your vices and addictions. They’re such a relief to keep around.
-Don’t you ever dare open up a book and read it for extended periods of time.
-Figure out what is trending on Amazon and buy it!
-Figure out what displeases the oligarchs and then avoid it like the plague.
-Get pets, lots of them. They’re a great distraction from an inner life.
-Hire a counselor and then do literally no work between sessions. They’ll save you.
-Keep yourself in debt so you have a nice, constant baseline stress level.
-What is the safe, hip cause to dedicate yourself to? Bonus points if it’s highly socialist.
-Tip-toe around authority and never ever fight back.
-Be constantly defensive and irritable when people talk to you. Only ask shallow questions.
-Tell yourself you’re better than everyone else. They’re all so dumb.
-Please people as if it were your job.
-Marry the wrong person. Who cares?!
-If you’re a man, hang on the every word of a woman and be captive to her charms.
-If you’re a woman, rely on your looks and do nothing to become more virtuous.
-Masturbate. Who cares?!
-Watch sports. They’re full of fibrous, nutritious tidbits. Trivia is knowledge!
-Comment on everything everyone does.
-Rely on the government.
-Tell jokes compulsively without a care as to how they’re received.
-Get tattoos. They’re cool and definitely your identity.
-Watch as much broadcast, corporate television as possible.
-Late night shows are great for learning how to be funny.
-Stay away from working with your hands. You are a knowledge worker! Become a streamer!
-Got an ache? There’s a vitamin or supplement you can take for it.
-Poker is profound. Play it and learn from the greats. They did so much for us.
-Become an atheist. It’s such a smart and sophisticated position to take in life.
-Make dad jokes. People think it’s hilarious and it endears you to women.
-Tell yourself you’ll get it done later.
-Live off of welfare.
-Tell yourself your childhood is boring and not worth examining.
There you go. Now go and be as boring as possible. It really helps other people. It’s also highly economically productive and gives you all kinds of options for satisfaction and life engagement.
