This Housewife Will Warm Up Your Tummy

You’d be surprised but the keys to a man’s heart are NOT through his pecker.

You probably need a housewife to warm up your tummy. Your tummy isn’t going to warm itself up, unless you indulge in the fantasy that you should be cooking meals for yourself. Listen to that voice deep down in your stomach: you know you need a good woman making meals for you. I’m going to tell you how to get a woman doing her God given work.

Feminism confuses women. It appeals to their thinking for themselves but steals the pocket money in the piggy jar they keep high up in the cupboard while they’re not looking. “Think for yourself! Give more money to the government in exchange for ‘rights’,” says the feminist. This is no damn way to live. To get a woman to make good food for you, you’re going to need to unconvince her of feminism.

Everyone belongs to a family, it’s just that some people belong to the state or to debtors as part of their family. There’s no worse position to be in than to be a woman in financial debt. I tell all the men I work with to get a commitment of some kind from their woman in exchange for paying off her debt. Of course, it’s not as simple as walking up to some topless, tattooed hellion protesting on a college campus and beckoning her to sign a contract with you. There’s all sorts of courtship involved.
That said, men hold the keys to this Corvette: you make the money, they get to spend a chunk of it. That’s the exchange. Any woman who’s in debt and is somewhat in her right mind will take someone paying her loans off in exchange for her getting to spend a bit of his money on groceries and a nice outfit here and there. A woman in financial debt needs a good man more than she knows. It’s a point of natural persuasion. Got it?

Once you have unconvinced a woman of feminism and have helped her get on the path to working for the family rather than against it, then you work on her to warm up your tummy. She’s gotta know how to cook! Tell her you’ll get her a few nice pieces of cookware and requisite utensils. In exchange, she’s gotta read some recipes and put her natural multitasking talents to use. The kitchen is hers. Give her the kitchen. Make it explicit. Give her the responsibility. She’ll love it. Tame her if she’s ornery. Show her the door if she bucks and kicks too much. But if she’s a good one, she’ll take to it just fine.

She’s gotta cook up the real stuff, the stuff that warms up your tummy. She’s gotta cook fatty meats, stews, chicken, and premium pork cuts. A woman that wants to cook you a salad ain’t worth the trouble. What the hell are you gonna do with a salad?! Feed it to a cow? No self-respecting man is going to live off of salads. Then you have to “supplement” and buy all sorts of queer supplements from pious companies run by socialists. You have to go on the Internet and become a scientific researcher just to spend more on your bottom line. No. Stick to the meat department. Maybe tell her to put a little seasoning and butter on there. She can make a tasty casserole or something, if she’s inclined toward salads.


Men need meat, not supplements and cognitive dissonance.

A woman who cooks with love and doesn’t cook any queer shit is the woman that will warm up your tummy. She’s a keeper and you gotta marry her. But you only get here if you help her to see that running around, chasing money is not in her best interests. Do that and she’ll be a great mom to your kids. Your tummy will be warm for decades to come. Be good to her and don’t boss her around. Just tell her how life can be and the rest will kick in. Giddyup.